Rare moments the clock is ticking this loudly because of the silence at this hour, even less often I am left to be the last one unasleep. There is no such word as unasleep. 

2 weeks of school has passed. I’ve found myself some pleasant friends and an extremely hopeless groupmate. The record for hating someone so much in such a short time. Having a common enemy helps bonding too I guess heh. 

I’m glad classes are not too bad because I guess they’re suited to my interest. Having my writing being challenged in English class can be such a reality check, and I can’t wait to improve!

I pat myself on the back for being more forthright with my speech to echo my thoughts, more than I ever did. Wonder where it suddenly came from, was not a conscious effort.

I suddenly recalled the days, in primary school, when our only way of individual expression was switching regular blue pens with glitter pens of various shades of blue.  And writing alphabets in an unusual style. And refusing to follow the teacher’s guide in 造句 (forming sentences).

That was me. 7 years old. 

“You command us to do what is good. But is it good because you command it, or do you command it because it is good? 

If good is only good because you say it is so, then you could, if you wished, make it so that torturing infants was good. But that would be absurd, wouldn’t it?

So, the other choice is that you choose what is good because it is good. But that shows quite clearly that goodness does not depend on you at all. So we don’t need to study God to study the good.”

From The Pig That Wants To Be Eaten

By no means is this my attempt to disrespect anyone’s faith or discuss the existence of God, but, with a good capacity to read, you would understand it illustrates my personal philosophy that I can observe goodness without being a believer. That amongst my doubts and questions as human, I just want to bring goodness, even if I remain undecided till my final day.

Mmm

The eyes tell a lot about a little. But ‘windows to the soul’ is so corny I don’t like it.

I was on the bus this morning, took me 50 minutes but I had a seat, music and time. It bothers me that so little gets me jittery and butterflies all over. So I was sitting, staring at nothing, and from nowhere, or I actually guess from the song playing at that moment, I suddenly felt like - heck, this is an adventure. 

It took sooo long, I wondered if I missed my stop. I have bus anxiety - now that I remember I should have mentioned it when they wanted us to tell 1 interesting fact about ourselves. Or that I don’t know how to wear slippers. 

I like kind eyes. 

I love kindness.

I don’t believe its just coincidence between the regular occurring episodes of inspiration and silence of this page of mine and of a bipolar patient. 

I walk the streets, sift the rack of clothes and books, but I am still living in the past. In the fondness and longing for good times I ever had and the people to whom a piece of myself I gave to.

That’s no good way to live, they say. 

I wish I had a sibling. Companionship.

Been noisily sniffing through my stuffed nose for 3 days. Insomnia. Today someone at home finally said something about it.